Roads, Relationships, and Realizations

A personal essay by Tyler Erickson

Sunset on I-15

“On the highway of life, some ‘drivers’ may cross your lane and you may take ‘the wrong exit.’ Remain watchful until you reach your destiny.” – Assegid Habtewold

The north to south running freeway, I-15, winds through the diverse landscape of Utah. Through mountains high and valleys low it snakes. Beautiful red rocks with snow-capped peaks are seen as faces are pressed on the windows of cars. Yet, from Lehi to Provo, the freeway turns into a wild go-kart track.
This track, about four lanes wide with cars and semi-trucks and motorcyclists all sharing the same roadway, is where flat tires are born, as vehicles navigate the gaping pot-holes – those deep, dark, and endless potholes.

Fiery anger, from endless drivers, leads to curse words combined with inappropriate gestures and usher even the best of saints down a slow and slippery slope.

To drive the twenty-mile stretch requires immense concentration as looking down for a split-second runs the risk of driving into the meandering median. The devil himself must have been the chief architect of this unbearable road; be wary. Rising office buildings checker the developing acreage as drivers mindlessly commute on the uneven asphalt. The eroding passage takes a beating from the joyous variety of Utah’s weather. Snow and rain, hot sun and frozen water stretch and compress the highway. The road needs love and so do I.

The End of the Road

I was dating this wonderful girl and our relationship was progressing quickly. She was blonde, she was blue-eyed, and she was perfect. Or at least perfect in my eyes. As our juvenile relationship progressed to a mature relationship, I seriously began to wonder if she was the right girl for me. Time was devoted to her. Money was spent on her. My heart was invested in her. A weekend ski trip was planned and it was time for her to meet my family. After a long week of class, the time had come.

Alone in the Snow

The blue sky combined with warm sunshine and a fresh serving of snow was the perfect recipe for a day of skiing. Not only was the skiing amazing, her meeting my family was amazing. And she was amazing. We decided that it was time to make things more serious. The next few days were amazing as we visited Goblin Valley State Park, watched Law and Order for hours on end, and even had conversations about falling in love and getting married. A life with her was all I wanted and it was only a few days later that she broke things off. Letting go of love should kill you. It really should.

The person with whom you have devoted time, feelings, resources, surprises, kisses, dreams, and a multitude of other things is no longer part of your life. The person who knows what makes you laugh, cry, irritates you, frustrates you, frightens you, and does a million other things to you is no longer the first person you're calling with exciting news or the last person you're talking to before you go to sleep. It is supposed to kill you but it doesn’t. We had two classes together so I still saw her four times a week. Each and every time I saw her, memories from the past flooded in and my heart would somehow break again. Yet, I did not miss a single class.

The End of Another Road?

The following week, I had a chemistry test. Chemistry was my favorite subject although I wasn’t any good at it. I had enjoyed preparing for my test over the weekend and I felt ready for it. The test came and went. As I eagerly anticipated receiving my score back, I prepared myself for the worst. “60%? No, that’s too low. Maybe 72% at the lowest? Yeah. That sounds like a good number.” As sweaty palms reached out to get my test, I took a deep breath and looked at the score.

Failed Chemistry Test

49%. That can’t be right. I checked again and in dark black ink was indeed 49%. It was perhaps the most terrifying sense of hopelessness I’d ever felt. It was purely bone shattering, dream crushing doom. It was the first test I had failed in my life. I could continue on in detail but I believe you get the gist of what I am saying. My dating life was a failure and my schooling was a failure.

It was this day that a slow realization came to me: I was not meant to be a doctor. I was struggling trying to discover the career path that was meant for me and praying earnestly to God that he would help me find the right path. I did not love BYU, but I loved helping others, I loved learning, and I loved the thought of having a doctor-patient relationship. It wasn’t until a year later that I realized—my career path is through law school, not medical school. This sudden stroke of intelligence landed on me while I was sitting in the Marriot Center at BYU listening to a forum. The event started and the title of his speech appeared on the jumbotron. It was a speech about honesty. As I listened intently, he told a story about Jon Hunstman – an American businessman and philanthropist.

The story was one of rags to riches. He grew up in Idaho; he was poor as his father was a school teacher. Jon got a scholarship at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania, where he struggled his first two years, not taking his education seriously. When his father suggested he attend a school with an easier curriculum, he realized he was squandering the opportunity he had been given. He spent the next two years seriously studying and significantly surpassing his former performance. He graduated from Wharton with honors.

After the speech, I was awestruck as that story touched my heart. It was completely unnecessary for him to even include that part in his talk, but I felt he did just for me. I took it as an answer that I must stay at Brigham Young University. Fast forward a few weeks, I ended up withdrawing from my chemistry classes and changed my career choice to law from medicine. Things got better again after making that decision. It was a blind step forward. What would the outcome be? I didn't know, nor did I have any idea. I tried so hard not to believe it. Would my dad disown me? Still today, I am so unsure of so many things. But I do at least know one truth: that I am not meant to be a doctor of medicine, rather a doctor of law.

Stanford Commencement Speech, June 2005

The Drive Home

The median of I-15 is like a bunch of connected dots that lead to something and it will always be a tough road to drive. However, without it, millions and millions of people would be unemployed. Thousands of weekly vacations to St. George would cease, and I would not be able to attend BYU, a private university in the state of Utah. Although the twenty-mile stretch could be renamed the Highway to Hell, it provides a heavenly service. ." It often seems like the road is full of never-ending mountain passes if you climb one, another is in sight; it appears as if the road purposely takes us over the mountain pass. It taunts us with snow, rain, wind, rockslides and mudslides, avalanches and engulfing fog. Still, the road continues without an end in sight.

I have spent quite a lot of time driving on the black and hardened tar that leads from Provo to Salt Lake. Avoiding the storm drains on the far left is an absolute must. Driving past 10pm is not the best idea as construction crews are laboring diligently throughout the night to try and repair it. Driving in the middle lane at any time of day is always a bad idea. I don’t quite understand, but drivers tend to conglomerate in the middle lane during rush hour; so, the far right is generally the faster route home.

There is this construction zone beginning around Pleasant Grove that extends through Lehi. This is crucial to watch out for as the speed limit switches from 70mph to 60mph, but this is well warranted as drivers would crash into each other or the median as the road slithers and snakes through Utah County. Yes, I have cursed and prayed and laughed and cried while commuting daily. I have taken the wrong exit and cut off countless drivers – not on purpose of course. I have been pulled over – a few times – and had a flat tire on it. Still, I drive it almost daily. It will always be there; even through the blizzards and the scorching heat.






Image Credits: "California Sunset" by Ace Reston is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0, Alone in the Snow [Public Domain Image via WallPaperFlare],  Failed Chemistry Test [Public Domain via CollegeExperience], Stanford Commencement Speech, June 2005 [Public Domain Image via PBS]