An Internal Glow

A personal essay by Kendal Clawson

Two landscape photographers inspired by the same place. One a hero to the other and the other attempting to follow in his footsteps.

"Turning Time" by Peter Lik

“This grand scene needed that special lighting. On day eight, Mother Nature revealed her glory.

I stood in awe right on the edge of the amphitheater, watching the clouds gather, and a stunning reflection on the river below.”-Peter Lik

Unlike my landscape photography hero Peter Lik, I did not camp out eight days to capture my image of the horseshoe bend. But in a way, I’ve been camping out my whole life to capture that landscape. It has been a preparation that I’ve done ever since I heard of the place, saw Lik’s photo and heard of his inspirational experience.

My Trip the the Horseshoe Bend

I remember the day my uncle gifted us with Lik's Horseshoe Bend. I remember being amazed by it. I had moments where I'd just stare at it and all its details. We hung it in the room I would do most of my creative work. Ever since that day, I've wanted to see this destination in for myself in person and always wondered if I'd ever get the chance.

The night before my roommate was going to leave for the weekend, I decided I was going to join her. All I knew was that we were going to St. George and I was all for it. Little did I know, we were going to check off this dream off my bucket-list. It was on that trip that I had the honor of having my eyes linger and digest the beauties of some of the great wonders of the world. 

Seeing it For Myself

Walking to the edge of this cliff to see it for myself, the view was breathtaking and wasn't as I imagined it to be, it was better. Approaching the view, I knew there was something amazing people were so intrigued to travel for miles to come see. You could feel it in the energies there and there was no doubt God created it. There was no way that man could make something so sublime. Standing out there, I remembered my old friend Peter Lik. I thought in the way that maybe he would've thought about such a beautiful landscape. I imagined that he would have stood where I stood feeling similarly as I did then. In those feelings, I felt close to him then. I not only felt close to Lik, but also the people who had attempted to photograph that landscape before I had. Then ultimately, I felt closer to the creator of the sublime scape in front of me. Felt closer to Him then too.

My Photo of the Horseshoe Bend

The Sublime

I like to think of the feelings I was feeling in those moments at the Horseshoe Bend as a feeling of the sublime. A feeling that you know when you feel it. It is a feeling when you feel that something is bigger and more complex than you. I feel this way each time that I go up into the mountains or experience something within nature. I felt it that one time a mama moose came close to me. The beast and her beady black eyes staring at me probably knowing that she could trample me and probably kill me at anytime, but also scared of the possibility that I might have an unprecedented and alternative plan that she hadn’t seen before. My anxieties and fears of a beast way bigger than me, that is the sublime.

Mama Moose in Brighton, Utah taken by me

When there is so much space out in the world or in a canyon that you cannot count the trees. When you see the light that makes us all up as children of a supreme and sublime creator in a stranger who becomes a close friend, that is the sublime. My favorite moments so far in my life.

My Life as an Artist

I consider myself to be an artist. Like any artist, I have seen the ups and downs of my life as muses for creation. When people think of the word “artist” they usually think of a painter, but I for one am the farthest from the painter type of artist. In fact, I've tried painting once or twice and I know for sure that it's not me. By not using actual paint, but rather living digitally, I use lenses, pixels, frames, lighting, flashes and focus techniques to sketch and mold my photographs as a professional photographer. I have enjoyed my craft for over 7 years and constantly feel the fuel needed to do what I do, inspiration.

Photograph of me by my friend

When I am inspired, it occurs gradually, one thing, then another. All my best work appears on my Instagram. As I scroll down my feed, my mind fills itself like bucket being filled with water from a hose. Each image I see is a reminder of the time and energy I spent creating each image. Some I've spent more time and energy than others, but they each hold a story and that story is especially "worth a thousand words" as they say. Of course, being a professional, they are worth some monetary value, but that is nothing compared to the passion and attention to detail needed in order to create them.

Most of the images I have taken, I didn't plan out how I was going to take them before I did. Times have come where I stumble upon them and other times, I am startled at them because of their beauty. Sometimes all it takes is me driving in my car and I see a glimmer off something I hadn't seen in those conditions before. Whether that difference is lighting, weather or season, that difference is what goes into making a great image and what goes into inspiring me. When I see something like I've described, I can't help but stare and get out to capture it. It overtakes me in a way. 

image taken by me

Doing the things that seem to be mundane tasks like walking back to my apartment after class, takes me to a more sophisticated attitude in my headspace. Peering down on me from excellent heights as they do, the mountains galvanize my wish to search them. In my mind, I see ways that I’d possibly frame a photograph as I walk and think. Continuing to the location where I actually go about taking the photographs, my thoughts and ideas shift and change in the best ways. Electric, my fingers and eyes working together in, at first, painstaking precision, but then later, knowing that I successfully have captured for what I came, peacefully placid. Details, textures and light rays assembled and organized within a square or rectangle communicate the feelings of my heart to my camera screen.

Realizations as a Photographer

I think people get mixed up with the fact that they think artists can improvise their art. I say that because I don’t believe improvising to be an actual thing. They get mixed up because they think that artists can just go up on stage with absolutely nothing prepared and create amazing art. A good artist always has something prepared, making nothing really improvised in actuality. With that thought, originality itself isn’t an actual thing either. When an artist improvises, it isn’t like they are taking random things from the air to use them. When a great artist performs, they take what they can from their past, what others have done before and create what they can from it. The deeper they go within their emotions, the better quality of work that comes with it. Long hours are spent reciting, revising and recovering and that cannot go unnoticed.

Photo by me

With that in mind, one can see the reasons behind why I feel like I had been camping out to wait and prepare myself to take the photos I did of the Horseshoe Bend. To me, the photos I took there reflect my life’s journey up until those moments. In my opinion, this is what real art is all about. It's about sharing perspectives, experiences and moments for the betterment of others and of mankind as a whole. It isn’t all about what you see as a result, but the accumulation of the whole experience. Running excitedly from rock formation to rock formation, the adrenaline rush and inspiration sustained by my aspirations to feel like Peter Lik. Imagining the feelings he might have felt, it was as if I had golden wings to fly. I say golden because of the way it felt, golden like I ran a marathon finishing in first place and a champion achieving one of her lifetime goals and dreams.